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Micro-cheating is a trending term known online that has yet to be clinically defined but has gained notoriety with the rise of social media. It is often referred to as a small act or acts of betrayal that destroys trust in a relationship. Whether or not a partner has engaged in micro-cheating is entirely subjective and is decided based on each partner’s beliefs. These beliefs determine what qualifies as “cheating” in a relationship.
Boundaries in Relationships
Every relationship, whether traditional or non-traditional, has its limits. In healthy relationships, these boundaries are clearly established early on. They provide guidelines for what partners believe is appropriate to do or not do in a relationship. For example, some significant others flirting with others is fine, as long as it doesn’t go too far. On the other hand, many others may consider this as a boundary violation for the relationship.
When these limits are not explicitly discussed in the communication, assumptions can be made. When assumptions are made about what the limits are, micro-cheating can occur. On the contrary, sometimes the limit Friday established in the relationship, and micro-cheating can still occur. When this happens, it is a clear violation of boundaries and disrespect for the opposing partner.
Examples of Micro Cheating
What can be considered micro fraud? Here are some examples:
- Reaching out to an ex, even in a friendly or casual conversation.
- Liking other people’s photos on social media, especially when the photos are more sexual in nature (ie- “thirst trap” photos).
- Flirtatiousness towards others.
- Deliberately leave out signs of a relationship, including leaving a ring at home.
- They clearly do not allow the advances of others
What Does Micro Cheating Do To A Relationship?
Micro cheating, like any betrayal, can destroy the trust in a relationship and break the bond between partners. Trust is often difficult to rebuild and can take years to fully establish, if at all. At the same time, as a result of micro fraud, many questions can arise about what a person can do that is unknown to them. This can create anxiety or suspicion about the other person. It also raises questions about what their level of emotional or physical commitment is to the relationship.
After this type of betrayal, the partner’s self-esteem that “micro-cheating” is understandably low. This person may want to know why their partner was seeking any kind of attention outside of the relationship. They may also want to know what this means for the future of their future relationship.
How to Avoid Micro Cheating
Every relationship should have an initial conversation about boundaries at the beginning of the union. This open dialogue should be ongoing, and items can be added or removed from the list of restrictions together, as long as everyone agrees to follow the same standards. If partners can’t respect boundaries or at least come to a reasonable agreement, then it may be time to consider whether or not to stay in the relationship.
The only time compliance with boundaries is necessary is if the boundary is impossible to follow. For example, asking a spouse not to talk to someone of the opposite sex (or the same sex) while at work would be impossible for that person because they need to do their job. Limits should be achievable and realistic for the everyday person.
Feeling Stuck?
If you’re not sure how to approach your partner about setting boundaries in your relationship, or you’ve experienced boundary violations in the past, marriage therapy can help! Start repairing your relationship today. Contact Sara today to get started!