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I was just in Lyon, France, and one of Lyon’s points of pride is the important role it played in the resistance movement against the Nazis in World War II.
And one of the tools used by the resistance fighters were Traboules – secret passages in private buildings on the desert streets, originally built for silk workers in the 1500s to protect their goods from bad weather during transport.
There are more than 400 traboules in Lyon (at least 80 are open to the public) and I passed four of them.
They are difficult to find and reach – you have to learn where to look and the right times and buttons to access, or join a tour with a knowledgeable tour guide.
(Or, in my case, you can wait for others to exit or enter one of the doors and execute him before he closes. 😂)
What does this have to do with pushing the RIGHT buttons in your marriage?
Although partners or partners in long-term relationships tend to know each other very well, I have consistently seen in my work how often there are emotional needs or desires for companionship that go unspoken and unmet.
The more these feelings are not expressed or these needs are not fulfilled, the more forms and resentments of distance are created.
Do you know what is hidden in your partner’s secret emotional ways? Do you know the right combination of time, patience, curiosity and compassion to push the right buttons to open the door to understanding relationships?
With all the couples I work with for intimacy coaching, I make sure to ask: What is not being said or not being said? What are you running from? What are you afraid to bring or ask?
Then the three of us work on creating the emotional safety and mental container to explore these hidden passages.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus – Sociologist, Relationship Coach, & Intimacy Speaker