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Not in a buy a planner, wake up at 5am, be a completely different person by October 1st road type (Although I’m tempted to invest in a nicer, more expensive planner at Barnes & Noble, another day!)
Because there’s something about a new season that makes you look around and think:
Is this the life I really want?
And if you meet:
Is the way I’m dating really getting me closer to the relationship I want—or am I just dating because I have to be?
Your relationship should fit your life – not the other way around. This is something I wish more people would think about before they start shaving. It’s something I didn’t fully understand myself until I became a solo mom by choice.
Instead of focusing on:
“What kind of man do I want?”
Start with:
“What kind of life do I want?”
Where do you want to live?
How would you like your days to be?
What is most important to you?
How much freedom do you want?
How do you imagine family life?
What are your unsaid things?
And then ask:
Who will actually bring it to life?
Because you can meet someone who checks all the boxes on paper and still discover that the relationship requires you to give up the life you truly love.
At best, it’s not necessarily a great match, and at worst it ruins your current life. As I shared on the “Difficulties of a Match” podcast I filmed yesterday, it’s a clash of values. (Stay tuned for details on when my guest appearance on this podcast will go live!)
Indicates that Life & Communication Design is included. A mutual friend recently connected me to Brianna Bridges, whose work focuses on helping people intentionally design a life that feels fulfilling and harmonious.
I liked the link because its approach resonates well with what I’ve been saying for years:
You can’t choose your ideal relationship until you have an idea of what your ideal LIFE looks like. Otherwise, you just get into a relationship by default and find out if the match has a shelf life or not!
You don’t need to know every detail.
But you need a vision.
And once you have one, your dating decisions become a whole lot clearer.
Suddenly, you’re not just asking:
“Am I attracted to this person?”
You also ask:
“Do I love the life we can create together?”
🔥 Now THIS is a marriage question. And, as I tell my clients: It makes dating much easier, because you are no longer listening. Dates aren’t about wondering if you’re good enough or if you’re on the wrong track. Your opinion is more towards: Is this person good enough me? The pressure decreases exponentially. Bonus: You are less nervous and therefore more genuine and interesting.
Your Autumn Challenge: Grab a cup of coffee, tea, a cup of something delicious, or your favorite notebook and answer these five questions:
1. What do I want MORE from this season?
More experience? More peace? More money? More sex? More friends? More family time? More travel? More creative?
Don’t censor yourself.
2. WHAT DID I DO?
The circumstances of the situation. People who are emotionally unavailable. Infinite first dates. Think too much. Relationships that keep you frustrated and stuck in false hope. Whatever – her name.
3. What does a typical day of my dream actually look like?
Not your fantasy vacation. your tuesday Where are you? who are you with What are you doing? How do you feel?
4. What kind of relationship will enhance that life?
Don’t save it. It doesn’t complete. Does not finance. Strengthen it.
Think about the qualities that are important in your partner: values, lifestyle, communication style, goals, family goals, social life, finances, love, sex, spirituality—or whatever makes a relationship feel right for you. This is exactly what I help you learn in my dating advice, so if you need to understand it, please send me an email at [email protected]and let’s win!
5. What is one thing you can change this fall to get closer to that life?
Maybe it’s updating your dating profile. It may eventually run out of apps. Maybe he’s saying yes to meeting people outside of your normal “type.” He may be deciding that you are no longer ready for relationships that don’t meet your standards. Or maybe it’s realizing that being single right now is actually part of your best life. There is no wrong answer.
A Recommendation From Me 💗If you’re ready to go above and beyond and really think about the life you design, I’d like to introduce you to Brianna’s Best Life Brianna.
As I mentioned, a mutual friend recently contacted us, and I thought her work would be a wonderful resource for my community.
Her approach is to get clear on what you want your life to look and feel like – and then intentionally build towards it.
You can check it here:
Best life Brianna
And tell him Rachel sent you. 😉
Because this fall, I don’t want you to see just one date. I want you to be clear about the life you want for marriage.
,
🍂 Get into it.
💗 Design it.
🔥 And then go after it.