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These advice columns aren’t about me, as much as they are about my accumulated knowledge of what I’ve learned along the way. I try not to put myself in these columns, and when people send personal questions about me directly, I rebuff them. It’s not that I’m against talking about myself, but I don’t want to do it all the time. However, if the questions posted seem like they might be helpful to others, I’ll occasionally tackle them.
Presenting volume 3 of Q and A with Rain DeGrey, today we have two questions submitted by readers that others may find useful. Has my chosen lifestyle made it difficult for me to fit into my relationships and history? If you want to follow the path of life like me, how will you do it? Dirty Talk’s Advice Column has all the answers!
“Has being in the industry affected your personal life a lot when it comes to meeting and building relationships?”
Has being in the industry affected my personal life when it comes to dating and building relationships? No, not at all. Not in the least. I have never seen anything myself.
I have been in the industry for 15 years. I have been married for over 20 years. I am polyamorous and have always been in a number of relationships, depending on how each of those different relationships flowed and developed. I know some people have the perception that people in my line of work are too lazy and have low standards, but I personally don’t treat my relationships that way.
I tried to swing. I’m afraid of it. It doesn’t do anything for me. I want to know the name of your childhood pet. Your favorite band. Your favorite food. The name of the street where you grew up. I like relationships. The better I know someone, the more I enjoy spending time with them. Apart from my marriage, my relationships last for about half a decade. I don’t have anything bad to say about any of my exes (Except one. Generally, avoid people who have spent time in prison. Lesson learned) I can always see ways we didn’t work and I can always see how they fit in with my current co-workers.
A relationship that doesn’t work doesn’t mean either of us failed, it just means we tried and it didn’t work. Not everyone is fit for life. I know what the haters want to say “You’ll be screwed forever. No one will want you!!“But, um, tell that to my girlfriend of 2 decades? They’re not in the industry, but they love me. Because I’m a wonderful woman. I guess if I was in a small town in South Dakota, I might have given you a different answer. But I live in San Francisco and nobody shows up. I’ve never really seen anyone naked in my professional relationships.
“Can you give me advice on how to get an agent for erotic writing and performance?”
I can’t because I’ve never had an agent for writing or performing. I have always been independent. I just send stories and apply to companies/studios/photographers I want to work with and they decide if they want to work with me or not. It’s that simple. 
Not every studio/photographer/publisher I applied to accepted me – no one has a 100% success rate. Rejection comes with the territory and I’ve never taken it personally. Who I am and what I can do won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay. For every opportunity that came my way, someone else said yes.
Of course, some people have agents, and getting an agent is the same process as being a freelancer. You present an application and if they are interested, they say yes. Every agent, studio and publisher can be located online. Those interested in applying will have a section on their website where you can do so. Submit your application and express your desire to do something with them, and if they like what they see, they’ll get back to you.
As a former talent booker for an adult industry studio, I would recommend that you apply more than once if you are really interested in working somewhere. I’ll get a lot of applications that come across my desk, and for a number of reasons I might not respond the first time. When someone has made it clear that they are interested in working and submitted more than one application, it can increase their chances of getting a response from me. The desire to work seems good. What’s the worst that can happen? Does anyone say no? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. It gives continuity. All the time.
That’s all for volume 3 of Q and A with Rain DeGrey. If you have a personal question about me that you’d like answered, post it and it just might be addressed in a future column!
Keep It Kinky My Friends,
GDR
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