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What is WORK that makes people happy?
While there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to please someone else – especially your spouse, partner or someone really close to you….
There are several things wrong with a style commonly called “people-pleasing.”
Let’s start from the beginning with a basic fact…
There is no such thing as a beautiful person.
Whether “funny” understands it or not…
What they almost always do is try to “undercut” someone (in ways they THINK the other person wants) in exchange for something they want in return.
In other words, it’s actually a backwards way to meet your needs.
It can be love, attention, recognition, money, security—everything.
The truth is that most happy people (and we’ve been there) have almost no idea that they’re bending over backwards or going to extremes to try to please someone else—and the reasons why they’re doing it.
It all starts with a simple idea.
A thought that sometimes happens so quickly that often you are not even aware of it.
Happy people:
- It is the woman or man who gives and gives and gives in a relationship without feeling like they are getting anything in return.
- It is the spouse who says “whatever I want” and does not express his opinion, allowing hatred to boil over.
- The man who buys his wife WAY too much jewelry and thinks she’ll love him more or spend all his time away from home doing other things.
- She is the mother who drowns her daughter with unsolicited advice in an ill-advised attempt to show affection.
- It’s the man or woman in the office who works overtime because they’re understaffed and want to look good in front of their boss or co-workers.
- Every time their partner tells them how to see the world (at least the world according to them) it is the woman or the man who “bites their tongue”.
- He is the neighbor who agrees to be when he is not physically good for his neighbors, in a sick attempt to show everyone how great he is.
- She’s the woman who racks up massive credit card debt to fund her desire to shower everyone in her entire family with ALL the Christmas presents they could ever want (and more).
Sick, painful and desperate trying to achieve something that in most cases, they don’t even know they are trying to achieve…
Those “pleasers” often anger, annoy, and annoy those they are trying to please with their overly helpful or loving behavior (usually unintended).
And the problem really comes when the “fun” can no longer get what they want, because they have an unspoken agreement that the other person is unaware of and it explodes!
So, again, the question must be asked…
How wrong is it to want to please someone else?
We say there is NOTHING wrong with doing good things to please others as long as you are aware of what you are doing and why you are doing it.
In other words, if what you PUT is cruel, manipulative, domineering or in some other way alienating another person or you consider doing it, you will get something in return…
Then it’s time for a “time-out” to examine your actions for hidden agendas and unconscious attempts to get something from the other person.
What’s the magic key to stopping your self-indulgent behavior?
Those two things…
Intelligence and Curiosity.
It comes with a mindset where you may be trying to play a little game of “I’ll give you this to get that…” without even realizing it.
And it’s being aware of asking the other people in your life if they want to give or do for them what you think they want—instead of assuming they want it.
It is also about being honest about your desires and preferences and making loving requests.
People-pleasing doesn’t have to rule your life or your relationships.
You can still be kind and loving, but to create healthy relationships, examine your motives and ask first!