How to Deal with Legal Audits

What is the difference between in-laws and lawyers? Outlaws are wanted. ba-dum!

This is because in-laws can be annoying and can get on your last nerve when they are arrogant, overbearing, or passive-aggressive. They can cause stress in your marriage. But you can’t get rid of them, as you sometimes want to.

Or is that what I think? Well… not anymore.

Now I really love all my in-laws. But to paraphrase Francis O’Walsh, I saw their faults as if they were hidden treasure. Mostly, I was defensive and worried that I wouldn’t be accepted into the Doyle family.

Turns out I never had to worry about that because they are a great bunch.

But it happens yours In-laws are not that great, and it puts stress on your marriage. So what next?

Here are three exercises you can do to relieve that stress while still maintaining your dignity.

1) Consider the best

Alison felt a great deal of pressure from her relatives, who expected her family to visit them a lot and were passive-aggressive when they did not. She and her husband agreed that they would not visit for the upcoming big holiday, and she was afraid of the accusatory comments she would receive when they found out.

But with a little coaching, she decided to hope for the best of them. She was still upset when her brother-in-law told her that they wouldn’t be heard from, which turned out to be completely true when her brother-in-law said, “You’re too busy to see us, okay.

Instead of defending herself or furtively rolling her eyes, Alison took the opportunity to just say goodbye to her cake. So she said, “Thank you for your understanding and always being supportive. It means a lot!”

When she did, something changed, and she had the experience of being unburdened, and that her relatives were accepting of her decision not to visit. Also, Alison felt good that she showed so much dignity and love to her relatives instead of having unnecessary emotional turmoil and calling them passive-aggressive.

Takeaway for testing: Even if you suspect sarcasm, try taking their words at face value

2) Be weak

Rachel was the opposite challenge. Her mother-in-law lived nearby but rarely interacted with her or the children, choosing instead to stay away. Even when her husband invites her mother to dinner, she usually declines.

Rachel was worried that her mother-in-law was distant and didn’t have much contact with her children, so Rachel, using the Intimacy Enhancement Skill, left her a voicemail saying how much she missed seeing her and that she would love to have her join them for dinner. She was so upset that even when she left the message there was a break in her voice.
And you know, the mother-in-law immediately replied that she would be there and she came to dinner with the family and engaged with everyone. She looked like a different woman.

Takeaway for testing: Experiment by tapping into your emotions and let them see your soft side

3) Define what you are grateful for

Janine was very unhappy with her sister, who often hurt her feelings, even trying to keep her out of a family party with Janine’s family! Who doesn’t hurt, right?

When he interacted with his siblings, he was alert. But during coaching, when asked what she was thankful for from her sister, Janine wistfully shared that she was thankful for her care of Janine’s father, who could no longer walk. Janin was not in a position to provide care, but his siblings did a great job. Janine was moved to tears as she shared what a gift it was.

Where a few moments ago she was saying that she could never trust this mother-in-law, she found her gratitude and decided to express it softened Janine in such a way that, despite the pain, she shared that she loved her sister very much.

Takeaway for testing: Try to focus on the things you appreciate about your relatives instead of the things you don’t.

These three women are not saints—just dead women like you and me, who took the high road with their mothers-in-law and created a much better experience than before.

So it’s interesting to think what might happen if you decide to try one of these approaches when communicating with your relatives. How can family dynamics feel smoother and more comfortable if you use the 6 Approach Skills? when you contact your relatives?

You may create relationships that make you feel like your in-laws want to be law enforcement.

I’d love to hear what approach you try and how it works out for you! Please leave me a note in the comments.

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