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What is the right age to give your child a cell phone? Are there steps you should take before this stage? What rules should you have for your child’s first phone? Parents today face these and other difficult questions. This post shares three things you can do to help your child and family prepare for this new responsibility.
Smartphones have become an essential part of our lives, and it’s no wonder that children are eager to get their hands on them. However, before you give your child your phone, consider a few things.
3 Steps Before You Give Your Child His First Phone
1. Determine What Phone Your Child Is Ready For
First, consider why your child needs a phone. Do they need to stay in touch with family? Or, do they want to communicate with their friends via social media or text? Do they need it for school work? Or, do they want to play games and watch videos? Some of these scenarios share the child’s “needs,” and others share the child’s “wants” for the phone. Focusing on the child’s “needs” first can help eliminate phones, apps, and responsibilities that your child isn’t ready for.
Once you understand your child’s needs better, you can find a phone that is right for them. Is a smartphone with access to a web browser, social media, and more the best phone to start with? Or is it reasonable to start with a simpler phone like the Gabb phone or another device without a web browser and social media? While cell phones are popular, there are other options to consider that give kids a chance to gradually learn about digital safety and digital citizenship over time.
Last week, while visiting an elementary school, some fifth graders told me they wouldn’t get cell phones until the 8th grade. Their parents made an agreement with other parents to delay smartphones until the end of middle school. I see more parents partnering with other families to reinforce their decision to delay cell phones until late middle school or high school.
Every family and child has different needs when it comes to phones and technology, and these needs will continue to evolve as your child grows and grows. Ongoing family conversations about technology help parents better understand their children and how to best support their needs and growth.
2. Create a Family Technology Agreement
Once you’ve decided what type of phone your child is ready for, create a family technology agreement. This agreement should outline the rules and expectations for your child’s use of the phone and technology. For example, you can limit screen time, limit certain apps, or ask your child to get your permission before downloading new apps.
The most effective family technical agreements are made with the input of the child. There are many sample contracts available online that can be customized to meet your family’s needs. To get the conversation started, share a sample agreement with your family, gather information, and modify the agreement to suit your family.
The main parts of family technology contracts are:
- Screen time limits: How much time does your child spend on their phone/technology per day?
- Free screen areas: Are there certain places where the phone is not allowed, such as during meals and during sleep?
- Application restrictions: Which apps is your child allowed to use, and which are off-limits?
- Password sharing: Will you need your child to share their phone password with you so you can track their activity?
- Consequences for breaking the rules: What consequences will your child face if they break the rules of the family technology agreement?
Family technology agreements are not set in stone and should be updated as your child grows and family technology rules and family expectations change. This flexibility allows you to adjust responsibilities to your family’s evolving needs.
3. Start Regular Family Conversations About Citizenship and Digital Safety
In addition to creating a family technology pact, start regular conversations with your child about digital citizenship, safety, and technology. Instead of lecturing, start these conversations from a place of calm and curiosity. Here are some conversation starters.
Conversation Starters to Help Kids Learn Digital Awareness and Safety
- What are some things you like to do on your phone? What are some things you don’t like about your phone?
- Do you know the difference between cyberbullying and digital drama? How can you handle these situations?
- What are some ways kids can protect their privacy and stay safe online?
I wrote Phonebook – Stay Safe, Be Smart and Make the World Better with the Power Tool in Your Hand as a telephone guide for children and families. Each chapter explores topics such as bullying, digital security, privacy, misinformation, digital footprints, social media, and more. This book is a great way to learn and discuss the ins and outs of phone ownership.
As a parent, you play an important role in guiding your child’s digital journey. By determining the best phone to start with, setting a family technology agreement, and engaging in ongoing conversations, you can help your child have a positive experience with their first phone and start building healthy digital habits.
About Jessica Speer:
Jessica Speer is an award-winning author of books for children and young adults, including Phonebook – Stay Safe, Be Smart and Make the World Better with the Power Tool in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Recommended Safety Tips.
Blending social science, fiction, and action, her writing guides readers through the difficult things that come up in childhood and adolescence. She has a master’s degree in Social Sciences and is skilled at writing about complex topics in ways that connect with children and youth. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to children, parenting, friendships and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit www.JessicaSpeer.com