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Hello friends,
I recently sat down with a client, I’ll call him Bob. He tends to be a workaholic, and he is in the midst of a long-term effort to finish a project that takes up a lot of his time and attention.
He learned his craft from his father, who came with a side order of messages worthy of time and attention.
Information – Bob’s relationship is not at the top of the list. So his wife takes care of things around the house with her disapproval, which puts her in the position of the parent and him in the position of the child.
Very unsexy.
There are two myths that support activism.
The first one it’s that you work so hard because what you do or the money you earn (or both) supports the people you care about, and their appreciation for what you do should offset your physical and mental absence.
Second is that your less involved contact will be waiting for you to pick up where you left off.
It’s time to dispel those myths. Men are particularly affected by the first myth. Of course it’s important to support the people we care about, but what they want most is our presence. Finding a balance between work and being is a gamer.
And the second myth?
Here’s the hard news – if you haven’t nurtured your relationship because you’ve been focused on your work, the relationship you return to will be an unhealthy one, which may be marked by anger, resentment, and distance.
There’s a beautiful moment in working with a client when something has such a clarity for them, a resonance that you know they can’t identify. He’s better than me with such amazing clarity in his words (honestly, sometimes I’m jealous).
At the end of the session, Bob said:
“If I’m in a bad relationship, the rewards of my work aren’t worth it.
And I really care. I’m interested, but I see that my care needs to grow.”
Boom! He took it. He turned to thinking about relationships, including caring for his partner and the quality of their relationship.
Yes!
See you soon.
Psst!
Whether you know yourself or someone you know, setting boundaries can be another important step to creating the relationship you want.
Join me for a 5-day Frontier Journey
Every day, you will receive a short email with a 5-minute video and a simple prompt.
Nothing is perfect, just one step at a time – to help you be clear, calm and confident within your boundaries.
At the end of five days, you will be rready to set a limit.
Maybe it will be big and life defining.
Or maybe it’s so little that the “my life would be 20% easier if this thing didn’t happen” limit.
It can be with your spouse, your child, a colleague, a friend, a relative.
It’s up to you.
You’ll know what you need, how to honor it, and how to say it without exploding your nervous system.