How do you find time for Pre-Marital Therapy when you’re planning a wedding?

Written by Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC

Congratulations on joining! Engagement can be such an exciting time! It can also be a time when you are over planning. You may feel conflicted in your decision and may even fight with your family and friends about your wedding plans. There are so many things to do and decide that adding anything else can feel like a mental stretch.

At the same time, you want to prepare for marriage. The years ahead will bring many milestones and challenges and you want to make the best of it. With that in mind, premarital therapy may be right for you. But how do you match it with everything on your plate!? This post will explore your options.

If weekly therapy is missing for premarital therapy, there are three main things I recommend you consider.

1. The best way to fit in premarital therapy with a busy schedule is on the go Premarital treatment is difficult. They cover all the material you would normally cover in premarital therapy, but you get the job done in a day or two. Intensive pre-marital therapy may have the biggest sticker price, but it usually costs about the same as what you would spend in months of therapy.

2. Books or workbooks designed specifically for preschool work. You have to be a self-starter and make sure you’re engaging with the material regularly, but it’s a cost-effective option that you can fit more regularly into your busy schedule.

3. Online courses may or may not require you to step into the workforce. There is a teacher, which may be ideal if you want more guidance. Prices for courses can vary greatly.

In addition to the fact that you can cover the pre-coital material in a day versus several months, it also allows you to create a therapeutic relationship with a marriage therapist that you can return to if you are going through difficult times later. The increase in treatment also allows those who spend longer in sessions to feel less rushed and feel safe enough to share. Couples therapy may just be the most beneficial of the three options. Even better, you have a professional there who can help you both feel heard, can help translate when the words don’t come out right and make sure your perspective isn’t lost if you’re too often silent. They also ensure that you are both properly and emotionally safe when you speak and they will help guide you with greater emotional alignment.

When you a Premarital treatment is intensive with me will prepare and enrich you with a Gottman Connect assessment and a Premartial assessment to measure where you are now, so we know where to put our efforts. You will also receive follow-up materials (pdf, book recs, podcast recs, etc.) about communication, conflict, sex, emotional balance and other related topics. So you can continue the positive step even after the hard day is over. We will also have a 90-minute follow-up session to support you in continuing your work.

Books or workbooks are probably the most cost-effective option and they also allow you to see what important topics are in print. With workbooks, you can record your answers and refer back to them later if needed. You can also work this option around your schedule as you can save and delete the material whenever you please. I encourage you and your partner to set a schedule for when you will tackle the material and when you will finish the book or workbooks. This can help ensure that you actually complete your work. Unfortunately, what you’re missing out on with books or workbooks is the ability to ask questions, have an expert to point out blind spots and make sure you’re both heard and understood.

Online courses can be a great way to access materials from experts in a field that might otherwise be overlooked. These courses can be self-paced or have a designated itinerary. These options can be changed according to your plan depending on the option you choose. This option can sometimes be between the option to join. This means that an online course may be more engaging than a book or workbook, but less engaging than intensive preschool treatment. The downside here is that you still don’t have an expert to give you real-time feedback to make sure you don’t hang onto blind spots or cross talk.

What you include in your premarital work can vary based on your unique needs. However, there are some areas that I encourage everyone to consider.

• How you think about and manage finances in the past, present and future.

• Where you want to live.

• How chores will be divided and managed.

• Whether or not you want to have children and how you hope to raise said children. Including parenting, discipline, child care, discussions about raising them in faith or spirituality, etc.

• Communication styles

• Creating regular ways to connect in a relationship. This means daily, weekly, monthly.

• Sex – frequency, onset, limits, preferences, etc.

• How to manage stress.

• How will you manage the problems that arise in your relationship.

• A potential plan for how you will hold yourself accountable when you struggle with something.

You are free to focus on the topics on this list that make the most sense to both of you, leave out what doesn’t and add what is most important to you both.

If life is busy, but you still want to make preschool work a priority, you still have some options. You can book a Premarital treatment is intensiveso that you can complete most of your competitive work in a day. This is the best option to get a professional opinion and support while managing your time well. Premarital treatment is the most expensive option.

The choice of books or workbooks seems to be the most expensive option. This can be a great option because it guides you through the most important topics to cover, it can be written by leaders in the field and all the important information is placed in front of you, making it easy to refer back to. It can also easily fit into your schedule because you can pick it up and put it down whenever you want. The downside is that you won’t have the direct support of a professional and if you and your partner have a plan for when you’ll finish the job, it can be easy to give up.

Online courses can range from a wide range of options in terms of cost and schedule. While costs can vary greatly, there are usually enough options out there to find something that fits your budget. Some courses have a set schedule and some have a track record, which gives you some freedom to choose what works best for you. You also have the benefit of choosing courses created by famous therapists, even if they are people you cannot work with otherwise. Again, the disadvantage is that you don’t have an expert with you in real time to answer questions and make sure you’re communicating well.

I hope this review was helpful. I wish you luck in deciding what works best for you two and many, many happy years of marriage!

You don’t have to feel unprepared for marriage. Take the time to prepare yourself well for marriage by scheduling a couple’s marriage therapy. Start the process with no-obligation planning, Check out the free, 30-minute video here.

I wish you the best in your journey! 🙂

This post was written by personal and marriage therapist, Ashley Gray of Arvada, Colorado. Ashley works with her clients using Gottman Method Couples Therapy, EMDR Trauma Therapy, Preparation and Intensification, focused attachment therapy and techniques from Emotional-Fax Therapy, Couples Intensives and EMDR Intensives. As a therapist, she is passionate about helping people build healthy relationships and supporting people with the resources they need. In her free time, Ashley walks, surfs, reads, and spends time with her husband and beloved dog. For more information about Ashley and her practice, click here here.