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Fasten your pearls and adjust your monocle, because I’m going to recommend a piece of dating technology that many people seem to believe has been lost for a while around the fax machine.
Telephone.
They didn’t write about it. They call someone.
I know. So 1900.
But when my clients are dating, I encourage them to stop texting and make an actual phone call before the meeting.
Writing is great for “I’m running five minutes late” or “I had a great time tonight.” But as a way meet someone? Notsomeuch.
Here are five reasons why I don’t recommend it.
1. Writing makes hiding easy.
Scammer can write to you. So can already-partners. So can someone who talks to eight other people and sends some versions of themselves Good morning beautiful to all before lunch.
A phone call does not prove that someone is single or sincere. Married people own phones. The player has vocal cords. But real-time communication requires time and attention, making it harder to hide.
You can text up to five people while you’re waiting for your coffee. You can’t have five 30-minute conversations at once.
Time and attention are precious things. See if someone will spend some on you.
2. Writing creates a false approximation before they get the real thing.
You’ve never met—or you’ve met once—but suddenly they’re in your pocket all day.
Good morning!
How was your meeting?
Sleep well ❤️
It feels close. And this is the problem.
Texting can get to know someone before you get to know each other. Soon you get used to their presence.
They are usually written in eights. It’s 9:15.
Yesterday there was a heart. No heart today.
What does it mean?
Congratulations: A near-stranger can now change your mood from across town.
I say this electronic shoe, or e-leash if you prefer (Maybe Apple will show the iLeash? I digress.). You are not a partner yet. You don’t need to be in constant contact with each other.
3. Writing creates misunderstandings, which no one needs to have.
Soon. Tell me what this means:
Good.
People communicate with tone, timing, emphasis, pauses, smiles, hesitations, warmth, faces and body language. Text takes most of that away, and your brain helpfully fills in what’s missing.
Sometimes accidentally.
the joke seems insulting. The short answer seems to be anger, even. The timing at the end of the sentence seems dangerous. Missing a period seems illiterate.
On the phone, you get a lot more information, including whether errors are repaired when they happen.
4. Writing makes someone listen. Calling allows you to meet them.
A text can be written, deleted, rewritten, sent to a friend for review — and now, with an instruction to the AI, “Make me warm, smart, and emotionally available.”
But you don’t choose someone’s writings as your life partner. You choose the person who writes them (we hope).
Can they keep the conversation going? Listening? Looking for an idea? Do you understand your tune? Thinking about their feet? Are they curious? Hot? Interesting? Do they remember what you said from one conversation to the next? Is there any communication going on? Do you enjoy talking to them?
Because you want to know them correctly, not the plain text version. Plus, if they bother you on the phone in 20 minutes, you probably don’t need two hours to confirm it in person.
5. Call request gives you instant information.
Tell someone:
“I don’t really get to know people by writing. I like talking on the phone – how about 8pm tomorrow?”
Then watch.
“Sure! I’ll call you then” is fine; It’s like, “Sounds good, but is 7 a possibility?”
But if they give up, refuse, or pressure you to give way that one prefer, you don’t need to diagnose why. You have already got useful information.
Sooner or later, every relationship requires two people to manage different wants, needs and preferences. If a simple phone call turns into an argument before you even meet, take note. You just learned something about their willingness to hear what’s important to you and respond carefully.
You don’t really find out if someone likes cell phones. You know whether they can have relationships or not.
So use that mobile computer we call a phone – as a phone. Set up a call. You can learn more than 200 texts in 20 minutes.
And isn’t that the point?
Dating becomes much easier when you know what to look for—and what to do with the information you get. If you’re over 50, I’ve created a free 15-minute tutorial to help you find and choose the right person without settling or falling back into old patterns.
LoveScienceMedia.com/consult
Photo by Fumiaki Hayashi at the Unsplash
